*** THERE IS A SWEAR WORD IN THIS POST***
As I sit here on this long weekend wondering what to write I decide 4 things;
1) I use too many !!!!!’s
2) I rarely capitalise “I” not sure why, I just don’t.
3) You need a bit more background to me and my life up to this point to get to know me a little better and have some sort of insight into who I am and possibly how I come up with my responses/ideas/why’s etc.
This may take a few posts but we’ll get there.
4) In deciding the content of 3) There is a big difference between exposure and disclosure.
I intend to disclose a bit about myself, in doing so I will tell you a bit about my friends and family, most of whom have been very eager and supportive of me doing this blog. Others I think are a bit nervous as there’s that meme going around at the moment “You own everything that happened to you. tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”
This is true.
To a point.
That point for me is when is when it becomes exposure of the other person. Exposure V Disclosure is the why.
Why are you putting that detail in, is it helpful or relevant to the story, or is it there to get back at them? Will it be hurtful or something you know they don’t want “out”
Somethings are not our business, even if it happened to “you”. It’s actually about the other person.
“So without further gilding the lily and with no more ado” (gosh I love Chaucer in the that movie ) I give you a brief history of Cassidy Louise Kiely……..
I was born in Cowra, a now sleepy country town in central NSW 4 hours west of Sydney.
My mum was young, dad was a bit older. I was baby sister to my older brother (BB). He was my protector and my champion, from the minute I came home from hospital Mum tells it that people would knock on the door, he’d answer and ask very tersely “are you here to see my baby? She’s asleep. Come back later!” and close the door.
At some point across the next little while Mum & Dad parted company.
We moved to Newcastle.
Moving to Newcastle meant we were now where my grandparents were and because mum was the second eldest of 7 kids spread across many years, we had more big brothers and sisters in our Aunts and Uncles.
Growing up in Newcastle I had a pretty charmed life until….. Mum met Dad (my step dad, this is the only reference to “Step” family there will be as I find it divisive and unhelpful)……
DUM DUM DAAAAAAAAAAA
Turns out she fell in love with him. Not only that but he had 2 daughters, how could this possibly end well for me?!?!? I’m the girl, I’m the princess, we don’t need more girls in the family!!!! Sadly though the girls lived all the way on the other side of the world, ok so other side of Australia but when you’re a kid it might as well be the world, and they were big girls like 15 & 16 years old. We didn’t get to see much of them because they were in high school and the distance was vast. Flights weren’t cheap back then.
Mum & Dad got married in the Rose gardens at Jesmond I think, anyway not important, the DUM DUM DAAAAAAA bit was that shortly after the wedding, we got a new baby brother (LB), and BROTHER was I a little miffed or what!
Excuse me but I’m the baby!!!!
Ok so I got over that life changing hurdle only to be told that there was ANOTHER one arriving soon?!??! What the heck????? the world had gone mad, did mum and dad not know that I was all they needed but you know what, if there’s going to be another baby, they’d best let me name it. If it was a girl, i would name her. If it was a boy then whatever, they were on their own. They happily agreed to this (I did not know they had been told that this baby was another boy.)
BOY did Mum get a shock when it was a girl mwhahahahaaaaa happily they like the name I’d chosen so I got to name her. Little Sister (LS) moved into my room and we shared a room until I was presented with my own bedroom for my 16th Birthday.
Between LS’s birth and my 16th Birthday we moved from Newcastle to Sunny Brisbane!!!
Moving away from all of our family and friends and the life I’d known since I had memory was pretty rough. Not sure I ever told mum and dad but it was. Yes I had BB with me, but he was now in high school, doing high school boy stuff. I had my LB & LS but they were babies still 2 & 3 years old.
I was 11. I was in no mans land, too big to be little, yet too little to be big.
I made the most of it, as only an 11-year-old can and joined the Girl Guides at the Baptist church across the road. One of the girls I went to school with went there and we’d have a hoot.
I really loved it. Not sure what it was about it but I loved getting the uniform on, the structure and the discipline I think. I dunno, I just liked it!!!
We also as a family became part of a Brisbane church that mum and dad attend to this day. I made some really gorgeous friends there. Going away on the youth camps made me feel like I did belong, I remember saying to one of my friends how good it would be if we could just stay on “camp” forever. LOL.
When I grew up I decided that church wasn’t for me. I broke my mum’s heart.
I didn’t mean to.
It strained our relationship for a good many years.
By this time I’m now 19, working as a Dental Assistant at the uni and have my first boyfriend. Yes at 19. Mum and Dad were very strict on the “No boyfriend till you’re finished uni” business. I’d had a 3 week thing with a guy at school, but literally at school was the only time I could see him, really, and that’s not going anywhere when its a secret from your family and your post school life is filled with “the little 2” and working part-time.
I digress, at 21, he broke my heart. The real BF not the high school one.
I moved home.
I met someone else. This “someone else” became my husband.
We dated for a few years, had an awesome time, we were best mates and life was good.
I left dentistry and became a beauty therapist. We got hitched. life was still good, we were still best mates, then one day, completely unexpectedly, i was expecting!!! WOW umm universe, not sure you’ve been paying attention but ahhh we’re not having kids. I’d had several miscarriages and we’d decided that we just weren’t meant to have kids. Surely that was better than going through the hurt, pain, heartbreak, beating yourself about it right?!?!
WRONG!!! After a very nervous/anxious 8 months, Miss 8 came into the world, her labour and delivery a relative breeze, from what I can remember, I loved her birth and her birth story, it’s short, sweet and relatively pain-free (yes I had drugs 😉 ) To say I cried is an understatement. I was so relieved, she was here, she was alive, she was breathing, had all her fingers and toes which meant she had all limbs. She was beautiful and perfect. I know every mother says that about their child but Miss 8 really was. I had nurses from other floors come to my room and say “Your midwife said I had to come and see your baby” I’m telling you, this baby was beautiful!!!
To this day, she remains beautiful.
I don’t think Miss 8 was born for us. She is such a joy and an absolute blessing to both our families and friends that being her mum has had its trials but mostly, she is an incredible kid.
As we were settling in to be new parents, there were a few other life changes happening as well, we were building our home, and we bought part of His parents’ business. Needless to say, living with my parents, renovating/building our home, taking over a business, being a new family and me having severe post natal depression, this was a pretty massive time for us.
It was about this time that we probably started to drift apart, neither had any idea.
A few years on and life has ambled along nicely, we didn’t go on to have any more children, he continued in the business and I was a stay at home Mummy. We had continued in our own lives. We sure did have some great times together, we travelled the world both as a couple and as a family, we laughed we loved and from the outside, our life was picture perfect and really, who wouldn’t aspire to be us?!?! Great house, great kid, good cars, want for nothing. Except for me, the reality was a little bit different.
I’m not sure when I realized just how lonely life was when my best mate wasn’t there anymore. As he became busier with work, I became busier with ladies luncheons, charity work, I dabbled in the world of modeling (yes i worked with Jen Hawkins and was at Mercedes Benz Fashion week) and just making a life for Miss 8 and myself.
I’m not even sure the day I decided that I couldn’t do this anymore. I wanted my a friend, I wanted my friend back. I wanted my family back. I didn’t want to be a single mum with a husband. I wanted my husband back.
We were never able to get us back….
We had an amazing separation and divorce, we would car pool to our lawyers meetings and they’d be astounded that we were so good at working this out. even said we were the “Poster kids for Collaborative Divorce”
We were so good at working it out because we never talked about real stuff, the stuff that matters.
During this time I’ve started work with one of the top Luxury Cosmetic Houses.
I’ve also met a gorgeous guy (Mr SS) who is mates with my cousin and her husband. Funny, i met him in the same country town i was born in.
He gets transferred to Sydney. I go to Sydney for work. We hang out when I’m there and call each other when I’m not.
We develop quiet the deep friendship, and at this stage, yes it’s friendship. For both of us though we are the emotional support the other needs at this time, you see his sister is very sick. She has terminal cancer. Heartbreak. She is only a bairn herself, 37.
As we are only friends we decide to go to Thailand and see if we actually like each other for a period of time longer than a few hours….. if this is successful, we’ll start a relationship ~ how romantical.
A few months after we return, his sister does pass away. This is an horrendous time for the family. So difficult for us as we still live in separate states. To “be there” for someone emotionally is really hard when you can’t be there physically, not for sex, but the hug at the end of long day, coming home to someone even if it’s just to sit in silence with, to cry with, crying on the end of a phone with someone is just not the same as wailing it out in each others arms.
12 months on, I’m getting ready to start my shift and LS calls, BB’s wife has been rushed to hospital, her bowel has perforated and they don’t expect her to make it though the surgery. She has terminal bowel cancer, it has metastasized to her liver and lungs. the diagnosis L4 T3.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!
I’m beside myself, how do you deal with this?!?
Can’t call MR SS and tell him, that’s just mean, i can’t expect him to stay with me and deal with this all over again, so I call my bestie and in heaving sobs try to get out what’s happened. She drops everything i.e. leaves works and comes to my blubbering mess rescue. SIL does survive.
The next day I do call Mr SS and tell him, he vows to not leave me and my family and will of course be on the next plane out of Sydney……. good song lyrics 😉
So we are now 18 months on from SIL’s first surgery and diagnosis, its been a roller coaster but I tell you she’s the most stubborn piece-o-work you’ve come across. Every time the Dr says well this is your prognosis she replies with ” No I don’t accept that, I’m not going to play to your statistics” and she never does. 18 months on and she is still very sick but my goodness, if you’ve ever seen a more determined person to beat the shit outta cancer I’d like to meet them because i tell you what, my SIL is the most stubborn ass fighter against this disease that i think will ever grace this earth, for sure somedays it’s knocked the stuffing out of her however she finds that stuffing, puts it back in and keeps on going…..
About 6 months ago, Mr SS applied for and was successful in landing a management position up here in Tweed Heads. It’s still not all sunshine and lollipops though, Ex wont let us move Miss 8’s school just yet so we still currently maintain separate homes but now we are only separated by an hours drive, not an hours flight!!!!
Then, the other day we had some happy news to share with the world…
Two and a half years, a second trip to Thailand and a week in sunny Noosa WE’RE ENGAGED!!!!!!
It was super sweet, Mr SS bought a ring for and asked Miss 8 if it would be alright if he joined our family permanently? He loves us both very much and wants to spend the rest of his life with us, would it be ok if he married Mummy?
She said yes.
We said Yes!!!!